WELCOME TO "CALUM'S CACTUS" MY PERSONAL MICRONATION!
This is my nation (also known as the cactus on my windowsill in my bedroom)
Basically, I'm starting my own micronation, it's called "Calum's cactus" and that is basically what it is. I am hoping to gain a thriving comunity of citizens, and I am sure that one day, we will become a REAL nation alongside the mights of Seychelles and Andorra! It's a dream.
The people of Calum's cactus are said to be the happiest in Havering (although thats not saying much).
Me!
This is me, the owner and King of "Calum's cactus" and I am inviting YOU to join me and be part of this amazing new nation.
If you would like to join, send an e-mail entitled 'citizenship' to [email protected]
The Flag
There's no real reason why I chose this to be my flag, but I thought it looked pretty cool, and yes, I did draw it on paint. But to be honest, its better than the England flag! It's kinda hypnotising too!!
Below is a map showing the position of Calum's Cactus.
Members of Calum's Cactus
Calum - The King
Cactus Party no 1: Matt Ager - owner of the hedgehog zoo, Chris Bone - POWERFUL ice cream man, Tish- owns pet shop (i bought a pet lemming from there), Vikki Jones - head stripper, Jonny two hats- chief manufacturer of cardboard products extaordinaire, head of cornflakes packaging and also leading provider of cardboard to homeless people (those boxes do come in handy), Rickard- leader of mexican fajita ninja squad, Jojo- owner of the most feared army of evil spoons, forks, and knives of doom, Elizabeth W - guard of the royal crown and robes, Gemma Chudley - Calum's servant, Bethany W - chief manufacturer of earmuffs galore (they are 1/2 price right now!), Graeme- manager of The Cactus football team,Simon E- The teams only player, Glen Wallington - tour guide, Mariah M- coat hanger producer, Olivia W- distributor of dib dabs (sherbety sweet) around the cactus, Scott Jones - owns a sugar lump factory, Katie Leigh- owner of a flannel company, Tom Mc Cann - collector of all things shiny, Mike M - world renowned gladiator, Ginger Joe - discovered an answer to the ultimate question (how long is a piece of string?), Monica - owner of a blu-tac moddeling company, Kerry McCartney - puts cheese and pinapple onto cocktail sticks (it's good pay you know), Conor Evans - inventor of the square wheel, Connor Mott - owner of a cabbage patch (recently voted the best in the world), Paul M - Herder of cows, Ian Jones - owner of a hospital that specialises in paper cuts (in fact, that is all that they treat), James Lavender - creator of the first ever non-transparent window (he hasn't quite grasped the concept of a window), Izzy - the dumb blonde that is secretly incredibly smart, but just doesn't want to show it, Anistasia J - printer of the cactus newspaper 'The Cactus Crunch', Sophie Pedder - strawberry jam enthusiast, Georgia Brown - holds the world record for the longest time spent pretending to be a garden gnome (2 days, 15 hours, 6 mins and 57 secs)!!, Jonathan Baah-Mensah - discovered that the moon isn't actually made of cheese (sorry to dissapoint all of you cheese lovers out there), G9 - the first ever person to have a number in their name, Victoria Ohuruogu - creator of a toothpaste that actually is a paste made of teeth (lovely), Ade Adekoyejo - is secretly the Stig, Cherise - was the first ever person to be sucked up by a vacuum cleaner, Zoe Rich - owner of the cactus' very own pub, Clare Martin - once found an alien living in her garage!! (she was then put in a mental home), James Galbraith - train driver/enthusiast, Joe Mallet - owner of the one and only Mallet's Mallets (what a great company, where would we be without them?!), Ryan W - pipe cleaner (no, not one of those colourful bendy wires, he cleans pipes!), Andrew Constable - once used a cheesestring to floss his teeth, Sam L - pimp, Carrie Phillips - can see clearly now the rain has gone, Joanne Hardy - had a crimp off with Noel Fielding, Hannah Grantham - owns a cheese factory, Haydn Newland - lives in a yellow submarine, James Belsham - actually finds the jokes on the back of penguins funny, Graham - source of all known intelligence, Joe Glenister - owns a firework company, allthough legaly he can't sell fireworks to himself!!, Billie Preston - talks to animals, Edward O'neill - Wayne Rooney impersonator, Michael Gibson - world jenga champion, Mark Chandler - has a pet orangutang in his loft, Daryl White - can break a lock with only a paperclip and a lot of self will, Victor Korang - hosts a tv quiz show, Jack Gunn - ammunitions producer, Stuart Barham - can live on WKD alone, Sergey Astakhov - the first citizen to own a Russian passport, Elena Andrean - head of advertisement on the cactus, Maria Sobolevskaya - International adviser, Philip Barrett - paints walls, Masha Kalinkina - world monopoly chamion, Joe Garwood - sharpens pencils with his teeth, Alan Winston - holiday camp organiser, Emma Guise - head of rubber band imports, Emma Haywood - chief bookmark producer, Sarah Allen - can see a rainbow, Ben Spearman - chief bus driver, Emma Jelly - world renowned Jelly maker, Amy Ellis - spork enthusiast/collector, Tom Dyde - head English teacher to citizens of the cactus, Jade Madlin - fortune teller, Nathan Howson - creates headphones, Dmitry Adair - chip shop owner, Dawnya Smith - leaflet dropper, George Linehan - pen lid factory owner, Jane Morton - chief disposer of official documents (she gets to use a shredder!!), Laurence Manley - obbsessive skateboarder, Jessica Barnes - treehouse designer, Joe Nash - world champion bubble blower, Lucy Gray - owns a duvet factory, Andrew Holland - dutch embassy , Michael Gibbs - head of canoe manufacturing, Levi Anger - DJ and Canadian ambassador
Cactus Party no 2: Sir Bobby of the cactus realm - prince of foolishness and wannabee heir to the throne, Hannah- dancer, Chris Luscombe - catering boy, Joe Garwood - food taster for the almighty King Calum, Richard Green- leader of the great and mighty cactus tea foundation, Tom McDee - peasant, Lord Been- Minister for extra cheese and general lactose products excluding yakult, Jess North - Mass producer of the worlds stickiest sellotape, Simon Wiggins - Head of Army , Catherine Chung - owns the cactus' one and only toilet (isn't she lucky), Richard Morris - head of lemon juice imports, Tasha- Matress tester (it involves a lot of sleeping),Harry Ribbons - I don't know what he is, but he isn't a basketball player (despite his height), Matthew W - is he drunk?, Robert H - the reigning champion of the annual squeaking contest, Alyce T - owner of the worlds smallest dog (it's about the size of this dot . ), Jarv - head of the Ray Mears appreciation society, Louise H - works in a factory where they put holes in watering cans (someone has to do it!), Bethany McLean - champion of bubble wrap popping contests worldwide, Joanna D - works at a factory where she bends paperclips into shape, Nathan R - the cactus village idiot, Neal Guise - taster of crayons to confirm that they are non toxic, Rob K - producer of the worlds best pineapple upside down cake, Jack G - master in the art of paper mache, Grant R - stuffs cushions (wowee, the excitement is immense), Oliver J - guard of calum's cactus, Hanson - incharge of all things glue related, including sticky lables, tape, post-it notes and the stuff on the back of stamps, Ben - has a galaxy in his hair (not the chocolate bar), Alex Bargus - head of floorboard productions, Victoria V - producer of the worlds favourite cookies (yummy), Gladys the Beaver - Chief Smuggler of Protective Footwear to Citizens of the Cactus, Juliette P - has an evil twin that lives in her loft (shhh don't tell her), Vivian Nakijoba - lives in a pineapple under the sea, Alex V - can balance a hippo on his finger (don't tell the RSPCA, it might be classed as animal cruelty!), Lauren - winner of the annual cactus mini marathon (5 metres), Junior R-G - owns a taxi company, Lee Newstead - won the GAME!! (but now he lost it), Rebecca Gilchrist - ended the credit crunch, Heidi Birch - wishes that people would stop mistaking her for a type of tree, it's no different to saying that Freddie Mercury was a planet!!, Tom Goldrick - first ever person to climb mount everest..................in their sleep!, Josh Turner - once watched Harry Hill repeats for 17 days non stop, Eugene A - finds that watching paint dry is actually more interesting than people think, Julian Arthur - is an expert in cheese tasting, Sam Thompson - counted the number of stars in the sky (apparently there are 87353629562548342 of them), Charlotte Taylor - carpenter, Sophie Adjei - master of jenga, Amy Henry - has a pet platypus, Kevin Plumb - sucked on an egg, Ben Borg - IS THE 100th CITIZEN OF THE CACTUS!!!, Danica Jade - manufacturer of tutu's, Hannah Wiggins - can eat a fruit pastille without chewing, Jasmine Brunell - went to the moon on a flying frog, Edward Amofah - maker of the world's best jam, Joe Fox - is glad that fox hunting has been banned, Bill Bailey - Unfortunately not THE Bill Bailey but some gypsy with the same name, Liam Moore - can fit inside a pillow case (pretty impressive), Amy Blackman - owns a chocolate factory, Julia Baranova - the world's best cook, Lauren Pearson - chief of a tribe, Alice King - made a lifesize lego model of herself which she put on wheels and sent to school instead of her, Nicole Stirk - keeps a pet lemming in her cupboard, Artem Goryunov - rocket engineer, Looney Jon - washing up liquid quality control, Christopher Poch - shredder of the countries important documents, Patrick McGrath - provider of cheesey chips around the cactus, Kemi Sulola - made an immense domino run in her spare time, Tom Baxter - is rather short, Joanna Bidder - balloon modellist, Charlotte Tysoe - world champion at snap, Liam Moore - wall plasterer and deplasterer, Claire Foreman - head of umbrella design, Jamie Poch - chief lawnmowerer of the cactus (don't worry though, there's only a total of one blade of grass), Amber Channon - head campaigner of 'ginger's for justice', Mark Crawford - the most photogenic person I know, Amy Williamson - works in the cactus helpline call centre, Wendy Haywood - also works in the cactus helpline call centre, Simon Day - should run facebook, Will Petre - owns the ONE ring, Luke O'Dea - shoebox manufacturer, Rachel Jones - Eurovision expert, George Woodward - refuses to get chips from a chinese take away ever again, even if the chip shop is closed, Egena Joseph - head of spanner production, Suzie Cant - the most amazing citizen ever
